What bucket list goals have you thought about but not pursued because you'd feel embarrassed if anyone knew you had that goal?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013 |
This is the 4th post of an 8 part series, answering questions from "Eight Bucket List Questions to Ask Yourself"posted by Psychology Today.

Question four...

What bucket list goals have you thought about but not pursued because you'd feel embarrassed if anyone knew you had that goal?

Hmmm...this is a tough one. I can't think of any bucket list goals that I haven't pursued because I was embarrassed (and I probably wouldn't blog about them if I did!) But I don't often tell people about my bucket list goals because I don't want them to know if I failed or I was afraid they would think my goal was silly. So I guess I felt embarrassed about those.

Ever since being diagnosed with Crohn's I've had drastic weight fluctuations. Over the course of 2 and a half years I've weighed under 100 pounds and over 140. That's pretty significant. But most people, when they look at me, wouldn't say I have a weight "problem." Crohn's disease has forced me to take a different perspective on weight, diet, and health. Before being diagnosed, I never thought twice about what I ate or how much I weighed. Now I have to think very critically about what will make me feel sick, what might cause a flare, and what will cause me to gain or lose weight. In addition, when I was sick, I was unable to eat food for extended periods of time. I was often put on liquid diets. This caused my relationship with food to change. What was once a meal to sustain energy throughout the day became a privilege. I began seeing meals as a scarce commodity that I had to take advantage of when they were offered. Every meal, when I was able to eat food, had to excellent. This had a negative affect on my waistline and my wallet.

Where I workout with my personal trainer

This year, I have a goal to lose weight. I have hired a personal trainer who helps me with more than weight loss, but also improved posture, higher energy, and better digestive health. I am also very careful with my diet, avoiding foods that often negatively affect digestion, are high in sugar or have lots of carbs. Finally, I have started up my Yoga practice again. I am always happiest and feel the best about myself when I'm practicing Yoga.

This was a long, roundabout way of saying that I'm a little embarrassed that my bucket list (or new year resolution) includes losing weight. It seems so cliche. It also seems silly that I have this goal when my weight is perfectly acceptable for someone my age and height. Perhaps my mindset stems from the disease, or from my profession in the fashion industry that requires women to be thin, or from my parents who have dieted for as long as I can remember. Whatever the cause, now you know that I would normally keep this goal a secret but thanks to this prompt everyone who reads my blog now knows my secret.


Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

love this series - just catching up on it - glad ur just at 4 - easier for me to catch up on :o)

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